twinklepea

Minsan I have to restrain myself to show any emotion that could possibly reveal whatever I am feeling, not that I have anything to hide. Praning lang pero I know at that point that the emotion is too overwhelming I am afraid I would do something stupid. I have to be silent to completely "feel" the emotion.

Minsan din, whenever I feel that the emotion is eating me up, I tend to question if it is right that I am feeling it. This way I am able to save myself and go back to what I should be feeling given what is right in front of me. Whenever this happens to me, I feel like I was wasting time.

Last year, I did a thing that the "now" me would not do ever. Yehes, I learned hard from that experience. It was not traumatic. My intention for doing it was bad, I felt like I was betraying myself for some reason I still cannot believe but have accepted already. That is what bothered me, my intention for doing it. It has been haunting me for like the whole year that I promised myself that I will not let myself feel the horrible feeling I feel everytime I remember that horrible memory. I know for others it is not big thing, but to me, it is. I need to forget but I know that will never happen. But I could move on and still remember it as an experience that gave me the picture of how I should be looking at things I want to permanently erase from my memory.